hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
