I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
