Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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