He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
