its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you made out with another girl for some wings
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
