why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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