I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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