I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He did a backflip because drugs
Just puked most of my soul out..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
