you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
