i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My balls are so social today.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
