Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
