Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
