I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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