We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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