non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
