dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
