Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
