I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize