I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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