there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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