Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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