Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
