I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize