I have demons in me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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