You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
