I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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