there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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