I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
