U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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