she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
