she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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