you win again, gameday.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
