you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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