Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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