come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
