I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
