I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize