sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
