I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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