Your tits are I can't wait for
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
