Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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