I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
