The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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