So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh god it's open bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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