you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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