Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
