It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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