I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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