The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
