Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
