I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What drink are we having for lunch?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
