I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
