fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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