I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
