You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
