No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
