Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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