Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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