ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
