The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
