just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Shame - the story of my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
