I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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