If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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