I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
