we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
