I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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