I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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