What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
