Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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