Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
