And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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