Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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