Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
