He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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