Me too!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
