You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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