It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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