Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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