No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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