Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You ruined the universe
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
