He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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