cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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