ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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