The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
